The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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