well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
