I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
