We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
