I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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