based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
