I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
