She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
