I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
