Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
