he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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