.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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