I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
