Umm I'm too high to move.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
