My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize