Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
