i think my mom watched the whole time
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
