Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
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my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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