Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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