omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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