Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
