I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ladies don't puke and tell
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
