I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize