I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
