At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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