i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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