you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
