I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
