can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize