Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
