In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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