I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
