Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
