why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
