I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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