Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
