honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
