At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
