I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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