HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
