I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
