I seem to have left my pride at pride
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
