I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
