Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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