So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
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I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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