We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
