just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
