Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
