i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
