he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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