i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
