I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
