Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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