That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
