My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.