So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
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I just gift wrapped bread.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
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Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one