If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.