I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do vagina's smell?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.