somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
