i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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