hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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