end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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